I never asked.

I've been writing two different posts for a few days now, and neither of them are posted yet. I've had an extremely busy few days, but still, that's no excuse. It's been a while. Here's a poem I penned last night. It isn't very good, but I've had the line, "I NEVER ASKED YOU TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME." (It sounds just like that in my head) in my head, for a while, so I had to do something with it. Enjoy it or don't. Your choice of course :)

I NEVER ASKED.

I never asked you to fall in love with me.
I never told you you could.
I never said it would be a good idea.

I think you misunderstood me.
(Most people do)
Because you did.
Someone is going to get hurt.
And it's probably you.

List.

A while a go at work I made a list of things that I like or think describe me. I'd really like to find it. But for now I'm going to add some that I just thought of. (I still can't find it. Hence why this is taking me so long.

Men's shirts.
Dog fur.
Adventures.
Colour.
Snuggling.
Good conversation.
Freedom.
Opinions.
Bare feet.
Water.
Imagination.
The middle of the night.
Laughter.
Music.
Long walks.
Acceptance.
Love.
Forward.
Hidden.
Spontaneity.
Pictures.
Writing.
Responsibility.
Layers.
Fun.
Unconventional.


To be continued....

A vauge smile is like painting a polar bear in a snowstorm. You get nothing.

The back of my head is purple! Or hair, rather. Yeah, I'm that intense, I have red and purple hair.

Perfection: Over or under-rated?
If you're striving to be perfect are you doing yourself a favour or missing out on imperfection? If that's all your in it for, are you objectifying life and viewing yourself as something to improve...or are you actually living it and being the person you are? I know there is room for improvement in a life, but if that's all it's about...is it really a life?

I know I improve myself, but it isn't always conscious. I do something, and I get better at it. I learn more, I understand more. But I do it in the course of my life. And I'm most certainly not trying to be perfect. I'm aware that the word doesn't exist on a grand scale. Someone might be the perfect person for someone, but they are not in the grand scheme of things, perfect. I would rather live imperfectly then strive for something that doesn't exist. Betterment of self, yes, perfection? No.

I don't know. I'm an imperfect person, and I'm okay with that. I like my imperfections. Life is full of them, so I figure why not embrace them. It's an adventure =) And hey, you can be perfect at everything. You do what you're good at! =)

Sunshine

Not in the literal sense of the word though.

I'm not sure why, but I like weird movies. I like "The Nightmare before Christmas" because of the romance aspect. I like "The Newcomers" because it's so lame and wooden. I like "Little Miss Sunshine"...and I can't describe why. I just do. And then I like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and movies that make me laugh. But those are normal, in a vague sense of the word. If I watch horror movies, I can forget them in the simplest ways. Last time I drew a picture of a rainbow and almost forgot that I had watched any movie, much less a horror movie, only 20 minutes before. Maybe I just have horrible retention. =)

Tonight I watched "Sunshine Cleaning" a movie about two sisters whose lives are falling apart, so they start a business cleaning up crime scenes. I really enjoyed it, because it was real, but my mom thought it was to sad. It wasn't a big hollywood deal, and it didn't turn out perfect at the end. But I think that's why I liked it. Real life is wonderful! Why do so many people need to escape from it with perfect princesses, happily ever after, and just happy? Happiness is only able to be had with sadness. That makes the little things so much better. I love little things. Light bugs. And lights in the fog. And mud. I love mud.

Also, mom thinks it's time to get off the computer. Dad wants everyone to know that he got a 170 bpm on his stress test today, just in case he gets hit by a bus tomorrow. (Mom keeps yelling at him for saying that.)

Quote of the day. We were all talking about how someone was pregnant but had a little scare. Dad and I were saying she shouldn't have told everyone she was pregnant before she was 3 months, and mom said to me, "Well, when you get pregnant you'll be so excited you'll want to tell everyone!"
My answer;
"Maybe not."

She kicked me =)

Coin Laundry!

So, I'm a pretty crazy all over the place chaotic person, that somehow can actually succeed at life, by my own definition. Maybe not by someone else's. Anyways, I like showing it, and often that explodes into my wardrobe. Lately, because of actually having to dress like a sensible person at work (though I've slipped some things by, like a bright orange skirt/pant that looks like I'm wearing flower petals. Ah yea'.)I haven't been able to show it off as much as I like to. So today I decided to. I described it to a friend as "All chaotic, bright, and funky with a bit of treasure and shine."

Also, I realized today that I need to remember that not everyone has skin that's a mile thick, like me. I haven't been offended, embarrassed, awkward or insulted in years, but today when I was out with two friends, one mistakenly offended the other with a joking comment, then the offended party acted cold, and I had no idea why! When I got home and asked if they were alright (via IM) they told me why. I was kind of flabberghasted. But it made me step back and think..."Oh yeah. Not everyone is totally outgoing and non-pulsed by any comment that could be taken offensively."

The way I think of it, it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. Maybe the meant it offensively. Maybe they didn't. Will it matter in anything I do with my life? Should I let it affect me? No. So it won't. It's going to roll off my back with the river and get washed away. I wish I could go swimming. The river is my stress release. It really does wash it all away...<3

Anywho, skiing tomorrow! So bed...oh wait, it's tomorrow. Well, bed today. And skiing today! I love to ski!

Whoops.

So, this is a poem I wrote recently. It isn't my favourite (and when I say it, I kind of rap a bit of it...dawg...) but I'm a single by choice person...and a lot of my friends are getting engaged! Anywho, hope you enjoy it, or if not, I hope you have fun blatantly making fun of me. S'all good! (Post Script! "Whoops" is the name of the poem.)

Whoops.

Once I reached a certain age;
Lifetime commitments were selling like hot cakes,
Each one preaching that they hadn’t made a mistake.
Saying “Oh honey I pity you, you haven’t found a man yet.”
Well maybe one just isn’t needed in my plans yet.

Once a certain age reached me;
My friend just called me up to say the spouse has done a dirty deed.
Lately this seems to be an all too reoccurring theme.
Crying, saying “Honey I can’t handle all this trust theft.”
Even though I’m all alone, am I the only one with hope left?

Certain reached age once, me;
I see a group of people being 7 kinds of cynical,
Not realizing that one “lifetime commitment”, minus both those words, the pinnacle,
Saying, “Full of this and never that, honey, I’ll never love again. I fell for such a heart trap.”
While I’m still waiting patiently just find out where my heart’s at.

"Today was a goood day."

I was in Portugal a while. Here are some more "What I learned todays!" If you'll pardon the repetition.

Sunday, Oct 4 - Portugal, Albufeira
Everyday is a good day. "Today was a good day". I don't like tours or time limits. I like history. I need someone to talk to other than mom or see someone I know. I don't miss anyone 'cept my boys. The time feels longer in Portugal, because we're going slower.

Monday (Seguda-feira), Oct 5 - Albufeira/Lagos
Missing a train is not the end of the world. It's ALL perspective, so nothing is really not biased. I don't like using a computer when I'm rushed. I have more freedom issues and issues with rules than I thought. I miss my guitar, and I have a tan. I haven't hugged anyone since London!

Tuesday (Terca-feira), Oct 6 - Lagos
The shower here gets cold fast. I like to try out all the seats somewhere. I like couches. I miss music.

Wednesday (Quarta-feira), Oct 7 - Lagos
Sometimes I'm lethargic, or just need a day to relax. I'm dreaming a lot. I'm ready to have different company. My face doesn't tan. I like food. I wish I had a bogey board today.

Thursday (Quinta-feira), Oct 8 - Lagos
I like swimming in dresses. I don't appreciate flies in my hair. Mud in nice (there was really nice mud at the beach, so I made shoes) and it makes me happy. Jumping over things and going the wrong way is fun. ( I jumped over the wall (in my dress) instead of going through the door today)

Friday (Sexta-feira), Oct 9 - Lagos/Albufeira
Mom likes familiarity. Sometimes more money for faster is worth it (but public transport is always an adventure). I need food. I think of better things to do after the fact. Swimming under the stars <3

Things I learned today.

Sometimes I actually do keep a journal, and one of my favourite things to do in it is write down things I learned that day. Usually it's stuff I learn about myself, or just random things I liked about the day. So I'm going to put down a few of them. (I'll probably leave out some of the extra personal ones. Sorry, I know those are the faves ;) ) The Journal I found is from this Falls Europe trip.

Friday, Sept 25, London -
I appreciate imperfection - Girl with socks in high heels - I don't like when people thrust things in my face. Attractive men make me smile.

Saturday, Sept 26, London -
I like it when a man smells like food (that I like), I love Fall, I love to cuddle to much! I don't like having to eat the same brekkie days in a row. Weird things frigger moments, bad hip.

Sunday, Sept 27, London -
The most helpful person I've met in London was a lovely gentleman at the West Brompton tube station. Kids make me smile. I'm more spontaneous when I'm already doing something. Being out at night makes me more awake if I'm tired (being outside). I figured out why some cursive letters are what they are. I like boxer shorts. I feel like a gypsy in red and flowy things. When I want to do something, I should do it (like ask the guy w/the laptop if I could take his picture!)

Monday, Sept 28, London -
I can't meander, unless it's really pretty out and there are no people around. Otherwise I'm hopeless at it. If you travel, something you see will always remind you of something else. I am a social person who enjoys solitude. I have more fun when I'm silly. I like saying "steal" not "borrow", I don't like it when people ask "are you alright?" A lot. I AM.

Tuesday, Sept 29 London/Portugal -
You can laugh in your sleep, I did twice. I'm scared to speak French, affirmation that I come alive at night. If I think to much before I sleep; I don't. I love my friends. The pillows in Portugal actually DO feel like bags of lumpy potatoes - HILARIOUS. I like Portugal. Lots of stray dogs

Funny Expert. Mom - "Do you think the dogs here are like the sacred cows in india? "
Me - "What, you can't eat them?"

Wednesday, Sept 30 Portugal, Albufeira -
Weird looking oranges taste good. I appreciate gentleman - an old man tipped his hat at me. I have a very good sunburn.

Thursday, Oct 1, Portugal, Albufeira -
I ask a lot of questions, I haven't seen a female lifeguard yet and I'm not sure whether to be offended or take advantage of the opporunity. A little adventure makes me want more (parasailing today, next is hang gliding!) My nose is red enough to mistake me for the drunks last night.

Friday, Oct 2, Portugal, Albufeira -
It's fun watching other people have fun. The waves are your friends, but sometimes they're bullies and known you down. I ask a lot of questions no one that I know knows the answer to, and I should figure them out. I get more tired when I'm writing if I'm writing about my emotions.

Saturday, Oct 3, Portugal, Albufeira -
My teeth are not substitutes for nail clippers, either part. When the manager talks to you, you feel important. Ocean is joyful, playing waves. I crave salt and crunch. How can you crave salt when you're swimming in an ocean every day?

Okay, this is super long. I'll continue another time :)

Comments, concerns?

Portuguese Observations.

No, unfortunately I'm not cool enough to actually speak (or type) Portuguese...yet. But I was in Portugal this past fall, and after you spend the gorgeous sunny days hiking and swimming from sunrise until way past sunset with hardly any food (yay budgets!) you don't have a lot of energy for the nightlife. Hence, you think. I always do - It's rather dangerous - but you tend to write your thoughts down more. So here are a few thoughts, observations, and questions.

Before I got on the plane, we were talking about parenthesis'. My dad had read a lady's work who believed that if you put something in parenthesis, it wasn't important enough to write down, because it isn't important to you. I was thinking about it and came up with my own thoughts about it. Re: is regarding
Re: Parenthesis - It isn't that what is in parenthesis is unimportant to you - It just doesn't further the story while being a point of interest or clarification.

Thinking about what I would say if they asked me this question at security. I'm so clever.
Re: Question - Is there anything sharp or dangerous in your bag or on your person, miss?
Answer - Only my wit.

Part of my little blurb about me, this is a very real obsersvation/question. Being in a hot climate made me think of it.
Question - Does it take longer for an older person - who has lived in an extreme climate their whole life and hasn't traveled - to adjust to different temperatures than a younger person living in the same spot, or the same age person who has traveled?

Legit! Also, I'm sure the internet knows, but it's funner to ask...Hey, Mark, if you read this, wanna hit up Wikipedia for me? =)
Question - Where does the term "honeymoon" come from? (Was it like, a dude and his wife after they got married, and the dude said "Honey, come look at the moon!" but it was totally just a ruse to get her to bed faster because she was doing the dishes? This is my only explanation. )

I people watch a lot. Also, being in a climate where there ARE lots of tan and pale people, and you get to see copious amounts of them, it was hard NOT to notice. That's a lie. I'm observant.
Observation - Tan males look younger, while tan females look older. Pale females look younger, while pale males look older.

I hate math, but I love to count. This was on of my projects. I had buff legs after this trip.
Observation - In the Hotel Da Gale, there are 92 stairs to our room from the street level, and a total of 152 steps.

I hope this was sufficiently random enough for you! And I'm going to put in a picture just to make everyone EXTRA jealous that I was in Portugal...if I can find out how. =)

- Zara

(There's an "add image" icon. I love when things are labeled with pictures. Nice!)

You've got a point...but you can cover it if you comb your hair right.

So I dabble with words. Perhaps you could call that a writer, but all that I know is that I end up writing SOMETHING down every night. That's why I started this. I though, "Hey, someone might actually want to read my garbage!"
Most often ridiculous, random, questioning, rhyming and often with a dash of logic or thoughtfulness for a bit of seasoning, it might not be great literature, but...hey,

You do what you're good at.
- Zara